Sleeping with fire ❤️🔥 The truth about workplace romance
Love is private, consequences aren’t
It’s not always a happy ending when founders find love in the middle of building a business. Workplace romances happen, but inside a startup they carry risks most leaders would rather not think about.
The stats are clear: around a third of UK workers admit to having a relationship at work, and in the US nearly a third say they’ve dated a supervisor or boss. Given we spend 90,000 hours of our lives at work (more time than with family!) it’s no surprise lines get crossed.
And the fallout can be severe. A recent Coldplay concert even exposed an affair that almost brought down a company and its CEO. That’s why I asked Claudia D. Thompson, a leadership consultant and team strategist, to write about what happens when romance enters the workplace, and what founders need to do if it does. 👇🏻
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Love at work, risk at the top
Workplace romances are messy, but when it’s the founder, they’re explosive. What looks like attraction quickly turns into a question of power, trust, and risk.
Inside a startup, there’s no such thing as “just personal.” A relationship at the top reshapes culture, tilts the playing field, and can unravel a business faster than any competitor.
When the boss gets burned
If ordinary workplace romances can destabilise trust, boss-employee relationships are petrol to the flames. The power imbalance is sharper, the scrutiny harsher and the fallout far more public.
Perception of favouritism is unavoidable. Even if you swear blind that reviews, pay rises and promotions are fair, your team will still wonder if decisions are influenced by pillow talk. Once that doubt takes hold, trust disappears and with it your culture.
And let’s be clear: the employee is almost always the loser. Their talent is questioned, their achievements dismissed and their credibility undermined by the assumption they’re only there because they’re dating the boss. Whether the romance lasts or ends badly, the shadow rarely lifts.
The risks go far beyond gossip. When you’re the boss, the same behaviour employees might get away with can destroy you. Astronomer CEO Andy Byron was caught in flagrante with his head of HR. Red Bull Racing’s Christian Horner found his reputation in tatters after leaked WhatsApp messages to an employee hit the press. And BP’s Bernard Looney was forced out under new UK rules that treat undisclosed relationships not as private matters but as failures of leadership.
The leadership trap
Founders aren’t the only ones who get caught up in workplace romance. Even when it’s two colleagues at the same level, the ripple effects rarely stay private.
The word I hear most from employees is simple: awkward. People tiptoe around the couple, avoid difficult conversations and second-guess what can or can’t be said. That awkwardness fuels gossip, which undermines psychological safety and trust.
Then there’s the talent problem. Workplace conflict already costs UK businesses an estimated £28.5 billion every year. Add a romance gone wrong and you can lose not just one employee but both, plus anyone caught in the fallout.
Even “happy” couples can create silence: colleagues may hold back honest feedback or hesitate to raise issues for fear of stepping on toes.
And the risks don’t stop inside the business. Founders face an extra reputational penalty that makes hiring harder. Research shows prospective employees are less likely to join a company if the founder is involved in a hierarchical romance and women are judged harsher than men.
That’s the leadership trap: what starts as a private relationship quickly becomes a collective issue. Your people didn’t sign up for drama and they won’t stick around if they feel the culture is tainted or the playing field isn’t level.
Guardrails… If you cross the line
The safest course of action is simple: don’t date your employees.
But if you're human and slip up, here’s the absolute minimum structure to protect yourself, your people and the business:
1️⃣ Draw a clear line
A boss-employee romance is always a conflict of interest. If it starts, you must step back from any authority over that person immediately. Reassign reporting lines or projects.
2️⃣ Be transparent
Secrecy is where the real damage starts. Any relationship that could create a conflict must be disclosed to a trusted senior figure, board member or HR adviser. It’s not about prying into your private life but protecting the team from unfairness.
3️⃣ Put it in writing
In the US, many companies use “consensual relationship agreements”. These spell out that the relationship is voluntary, outline what happens if it ends and confirm there will be no retaliation or special treatment. It’s not romantic, but it is smart.
4️⃣ Keep work fair
Decisions about pay, projects and promotions should be reviewed by someone neutral. The goal is to prove that opportunities are based on performance, not personal ties.
5️⃣ Protect the employee
Never forget the power imbalance. Give the more junior person the choice of who to tell, so they have a safe reporting channel and put in place safeguards against retaliation.
The hard truth for founders
Workplace romances might be common, but for founders they are never harmless.
What feels like a private decision is really a leadership choice, one that shapes trust, culture and even your company’s future.
The brutal truth is, when the boss gets involved, someone always loses.
Sometimes it’s the employee, sometimes it’s your reputation, sometimes it’s the business itself. And sometimes it’s all three.
Love is what it is and you don’t always get to choose where it lands. But as a founder you get to choose how you handle it.
If you’re clear about the risks and put the right measures in place, it doesn’t have to derail your business.
Draw the hard lines where they matter, protect the people with less power and stay transparent.
Because when you’re the one holding the match, the fire doesn’t just burn you, it scorches the whole organisation.
👤 About Claudia D. Thompson
Claudia helps business owners who never planned to be leaders, guiding them through the people challenges that come with building and running a company.
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