No, your 30s aren't the new 20s — They're better 🎂
On the brink of 40: Lessons from the defining decade
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as I stare down my 40s, it’s this: you never truly “arrive” at the final, perfect version of yourself. Each decade has its own revelations, challenges, and triumphs.
Recently, I watched a TED Talk by clinical psychologist Meg Jay — one I’d first seen in my late 20s — and it struck me with fresh relevance.
Back then, her message that 30 isn’t the new 20 felt almost like a warning: don’t squander your youth. But today, I see a different narrative emerging, where 30s are the new 20s in the best way possible.
Now, as I reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going, it feels more like a reminder to keep embracing the lessons that shape us well beyond our 20s.
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Looking back: My 20s and 30s
Trial by fire
In my mid-20s, I launched my own business. I poured every ounce of energy into it —late nights, networking events, weekend hustles. It was exciting, and also very exhausting. When the startup eventually failed 14 years later, I felt my world crumble. Yet in that crash-and-burn, I discovered priceless lessons about resilience, determination, and growth.
Relationship reroutes
Between fizzling friendships and romantic hiccups, I learned the hard way that not everyone who starts the journey with you is meant to finish it. But I also began to understand the importance of consciously choosing my circle — making sure the people in my life uplifted me and matched my future aspirations.
Self-discovery
By my early 30s, I realised I needed to recalibrate. If my 20s were about frenetic exploration, my 30s turned into a more focused quest for purpose. I sought balance, chasing after career success but also making room for personal fulfilment. Slowly, I began feeling more grounded, though hardly “finished.”
Now nearing 40: A new lens on the same lesson
As 40 draws near (I’ll be turning 39 this summer), Meg Jay’s TED Talk hits differently. It’s not merely about how to spend my 20s, but about how each defining decade is an opportunity for significant growth. The truth is: you never stop evolving.
Identity capital is ongoing
In your 20s, identity capital might look like internships, travel, or side hustles. By the time you hit your late 30s, it’s about accumulating expertise, leadership skills, and a network of reliable collaborators. The concept remains the same: keep adding experiences and achievements that shape who you are and what you offer the world.
Weak ties still open doors
The principle of weak ties isn’t limited to the 20s. In fact, expanding your network becomes even more critical in your 30s and beyond. Reconnecting with old colleagues, reaching out to professional acquaintances, and staying curious about new social circles keeps you from stagnating — and may open doors you never even knew existed.
Picking your family, continually
Whether family means relatives, friends, or a partner you’ve chosen, it’s crucial to be intentional about who shares in your life. Just because I’m approaching 40 doesn’t mean I’ve stopped meeting new people or refining my relationships. Meg Jay’s advice that “the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one” still holds true in a broader sense: the best time to nurture the relationships you want is always now.
Reflections on the threshold of 40
It’s never too late
If you’re like me — hovering at the intersection of “What have I accomplished?” and “What’s next?” — keep this in mind. The door to becoming the person you want to be is never closed. The 30s are a powerful decade for building on all that messy but indispensable growth in your 20s. By your 40s, you’ve likely accumulated enough wins and losses to know what truly matters to you.
Keep failing forward
Remember that failure in any decade isn’t a setback — it’s a lesson. Each failed relationship or botched career or business move, while painful, offers lessons that fine-tune your path. Embrace them.
Allow your dreams to evolve
The aspirations you had at 25 might not excite you at 35 or 45. That’s perfectly okay. What matters is letting yourself adapt and pursue new passions that align with who you are now.
Forget the pressure: 30s are the new 20s in all the right ways
Meg Jay’s talk might focus on leveraging your 20s, but its underlying message — “Claim your adulthood!” — applies just as strongly at 30, 40, 50, or beyond. Wherever you find yourself on life’s timeline:
Double down on identity capital: Keep seeking new experiences and knowledge that will enrich your life and career.
Nurture old and new ties: Make connections, reconnect with friends or colleagues, and remain open to learning from people outside your immediate bubble.
Be intentional in relationships: Whether romantic, familial, or platonic, ensure the people in your life reflect and support your current goals and values.
Carrying lessons forward
Watching Meg Jay’s TED Talk again, I see it as less of a cautionary tale and more of an inspiration to stay proactive at every stage. Approaching 40 is both exciting and a little daunting, but it feels empowering to realise I’m in control of writing this next chapter.
So, for anyone wondering if you’ve missed your window — 30 was never the new 20, and 40 isn’t the new 30. Each decade stands on its own, packed with hard-earned wisdom and fresh potential. The real question is: how will you use yours?
Couldn’t agree more Daniel!