3 leadership traps you don’t notice until it’s too late 🧱

They don’t look like mistakes at first. But they change everything.

Apr 30, 2025

I’ve been reading a lot of leadership books lately for Millennial Masters. At first, I was looking for frameworks, strategies, fresh ideas. But the more I read, the more it felt like I was just seeing my own mistakes written down by someone else.

Other founders admitted the same awkward truths when we talked one-on-one. Nobody says it out loud much. But this is the part that makes the difference.

This piece is about those messy truths, the kind that don’t usually end up on LinkedIn.

Leadership doesn’t always trip you up. Sometimes it just pulls at your ankles. *Illustration: ImageFX/MM*

It’s easy to spend months chasing strategies, frameworks, anything that looks like traction. I’ve done it without thinking. Most founders I know have too. Underneath it, there’s a heaviness you stop noticing. Old fears, second-guessing, habits that quietly shape what you do without asking.

Three traps kept showing up in books, conversations, and my own head. Anxiety, from The Anxious Achiever by Morra Aarons-Mele. Control, from Leading Through by the Clark family. And ego, from How Leaders Learn by David Novak.

You don’t usually hear people name these traps. They show up when things feel a little off but you can’t quite say why. You only really see them when you start looking at what’s underneath.

👇🏻 Here’s how to notice and tackle each one:

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1️⃣ The anxiety trap

When your own head becomes the blocker

Anxiety never shows up as the full-blown crisis you expect. Most of the time, it just sits underneath things, slowing you down, making you question what you already know, and dragging out choices you should have made quickly. I’ve seen it creep into my days without even noticing until I’m stuck overthinking something simple.

In The Anxious Achiever, Morra Aarons-Mele talks about working with anxiety, not fighting it. That made more sense to me than anything else I’ve read. Every time I tried to ignore it, it didn’t go away. It just slipped under the surface, shaping how I planned, how I led, how I second-guessed what mattered.

What helped was seeing it earlier, before it dug in too deep. It wasn’t about getting rid of it. Small shifts that gave it less room to take over. A more grounded start to the morning. Cleaner lines around decisions. Cutting off the busywork that made it worse.

Most founders I know still carry it. Anyone who claims to be anxiety-free probably isn’t telling the whole truth. Most of us still get blindsided sometimes. We just catch it faster than we used to.

How to handle anxiety practically

Start spotting when it creeps in: Notice when anxiety first shows up, not when it’s already taken over. Certain meetings, deadlines, conversations; learn the patterns early.
Catch the story you’re telling yourself: When anxiety flares, notice the script running in your head. Most of the time it’s old fears, not what’s really happening.
Anchor your day before it runs away: Build one small habit that keeps you steady: structured mornings, tighter decision windows, time away from noise. Use it even on the good days.

2️⃣ The control trap

When you mistake ownership for leadership

There’s a point in every startup when everything seems to depend on one person. Usually, it’s the founder. Decisions, sign-offs, strategy, everything waits for them. This feels good at first, but it quickly becomes exhausting. I’ve been there, and it made me realise I wasn’t actually leading. I was holding everyone back.

In Leading Through, the Clarks explain clearly what happens when founders refuse to let go. The company slows down. People stop making their own choices. The message becomes clear that no one’s opinion matters except yours.

That was uncomfortable for me to admit. I used to think good leadership meant being involved in everything. But really, it meant I didn’t trust others to handle things. I didn’t trust the system we’d built. When I finally stepped back a little, people surprised me. Things moved quicker. Decisions got sharper. Not perfect, but definitely better.

The real test is whether things keep moving when you’re not around to catch every ball. It’s a humbling lesson, but it’s essential if you want your business to grow without burning yourself out.

Practical ways to stop being the bottleneck

Check your own bottlenecks: Write down what’s waiting for you today. If the list feels long or repetitive, that’s your sign you’re slowing things down.
Let your team figure it out: Next time you delegate, clearly explain what you need. Then let people decide how to make it happen without constantly checking in.
Step away and watch: Imagine taking three days off without warning. Which parts of your business would struggle most? Fix those first, because that’s exactly where you’re too involved.

3️⃣ The ego trap

When you think you’ve already learned enough

This one sneaks in quietly. You start to feel more sure of yourself and stop asking as many questions. I’ve caught myself doing this more than once, especially when things are going well.

David Novak writes about that exact drift in How Leaders Learn. He talks about how easy it is to fall into a rhythm, and how deliberate he had to be to stop it. He made a habit of asking more, listening harder, paying attention even when it felt unnecessary, because he knew how easy it was to drift once you started thinking you were getting it right.

You can be busy all day and not actually push anything forward. Staying open to learning is messier, and it feels slower when you’re doing it right.

We talk a lot about growth, but real growth usually means admitting what you don’t know. That’s where the shift happens, when you stop pretending, start asking, and stay open.

Ways to stay out of the ego trap

Ask people what you’re missing: Pick two people you trust. Ask them what you might not be seeing. Don’t argue. Just listen, and write it down.
Share what you’re figuring out: Talk openly about what you’re still working on. In meetings. Online. Wherever. People respond to realness, not polish.
Mix up what you’re learning: Read or listen to something totally outside your usual zone. A podcast, a weird book, even a conversation. Something that breaks your usual loop.

What sneaks in while you’re busy

You don’t always spot these traps right away. Most days, you’re just trying to get through meetings, decisions, a hundred moving parts.

Eventually something gives. You make a call that doesn’t sit right, or you catch yourself zoning out more than usual. Sometimes it’s just that slow drain you’ve been ignoring for weeks without really meaning to.

These patterns don’t stand out at first. Most of the time, you only recognise them after they’ve already been shaping how you work. Once you notice them, though, they tend to keep showing up.

If someone had pointed them out to me earlier, I probably wouldn’t have avoided every mistake. But I might have caught a few things sooner. That would’ve helped.

I didn’t write this as advice. It’s just a way of putting some of it into words, in case you’re feeling the same things but haven’t quite named them yet.

Know a founder caught in one of these traps? Pass it on.

📚 For the full breakdowns, here’s how I unpacked each book in its own right:

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